Consecrate These Hallowed Grounds
by DragonRose42
Summary: In a forest in Wales, Remus and Sirius discuss the future and all that it entails for them. Set the summer after graduation. Remus/Sirius. All settings, characters, etc. belong to J.K. Rowling.


Consecrate These Hallowed Grounds

"Moony?" Sirius's voice called to him from across the room, and Remus paused, one hand on the doorknob. He stayed still, waiting to see if Sirius had fallen back asleep. A pause. Then, "Rem?"

Remus sighed a very small sigh, turning away from the door. "Go back to sleep, Padfoot."

"Where are you going?" Remus could just make out the outline of Sirius, sitting up in the bed, tangled up in the sheets. Remus allowed himself three seconds of delight at the sight of Sirius, there, in Wales, in the Lupins' home, in his, Remus's, bed, before he responded.

"Nowhere. Go back to sleep."

"Moons..."

Hopeless. Helpless. Remus never could resist Sirius. Whatever Sirius wanted, Remus gave. Remus took two steps back towards the bed. "Just go back to sleep, Pads. I'll be back before you wake up."

"S'too late, Moons, 'm already awake," Sirius mumbled.

"Fair point," Remus said.

"Come back to bed," Sirius said.

"I..." Remus glanced over his shoulder. He had been so close to slipping out unnoticed. He looked back towards the bed as Sirius leaned over and turned on the light, bathing the bed in a warm glow. Remus watched as Sirius rubbed his eyes, ran a hand through his hair, and took in the sight of Remus, standing there with shorts and a t-shirt on, trainers in his hand. Remus suddenly felt very aware of his pale legs sticking out from underneath his shorts, not to mention the scars that ran down both arms. Not that Sirius hadn't seen every inch of him before, but this, somehow, felt more invasive.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm..." He couldn't seem to finish a sentence. He felt like a little kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Er..."

"Remus, are you...running away?" Sirius asked, a smirk starting to form.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Not running away, no," he said.

"Then what? What's with the trainers? And the shorts?" Sirius's eyes lingered on Remus's knees and Remus fought the urge to find a robe to cover up with at once.

"I'm...going for a run," Remus said.

Sirius blinked. "A run? Where? What are you running from?"

"No, like, a run," Remus said, feeling tremendously wrong footed and tongue tied. "You know, for exercise."

Sirius stared blankly at him. Remus sighed. "It's something us lesser mortals have to do to stay in shape."

"This is some sort of mad Muggle thing, isn't it?" Sirius asked.

"Apparently," Remus said, inching towards the door. "So I'm just going to..."

"When did you start running?" Sirius asked. "This summer?"

"Er..." Remus replied eloquently.

"Moony?"

"Oh, all right," Remus said, and he dropped his shoes on the floor, making his way back to the bed and sitting down so he was facing Sirius, who immediately reached out and ran his fingertips along Remus's knee. In the seven years Remus had known Sirius, he didn't think he had ever known the other boy to go longer than five minutes without reaching out and touching someone around him. A hug, a high five, a hair tousle, a punch; Sirius was all about physical contact. It was one of the things that Remus hated and loved most about him. "I've been running for...a while."

"What's a while mean?" Sirius asked, now playing with the hem of Remus's shorts.

"Fifth year?" Remus said, and Sirius looked at him, surprised.

"Fifth year? Why? How did I not know this? Why didn't you ever tell me? Why do you run?"

Remus, who was used to the lengthy lists of questions that Sirius liked to spit out, replied quickly, "Yes, because I like to, because you're oblivious, because I didn't tell anyone, and that last one was cheating, you already asked that."

"Am not," Sirius said.

"Are not what?"

"Oblivious," Sirius said.

"Padfoot," Remus said. "Come on. Of course you are. Just a bit. It's not a bad thing, it's...charming."

"Am not," Sirius said again. "Prongs is, completely. Wormy too. But not I."

"Then why did I spend seven years taking notes for you?"

"Because you're far too willing to please," Sirius said, and Remus raised an eyebrow at him. "Not that I'm complaining."

"Certainly sounds like it," Remus muttered. Sirius ignored him.

"But I'm not oblivious about anything when it comes to you, Moon Pie," Sirius said. "I've noticed every detail of you since the first moment I laid eyes on you, lo those many moons, if you'll forgive the pun, ago."

Remus felt his stomach twist nicely at this. In the midst of all his chattering and joking, Sirius always seemed completely at ease telling Remus exactly how much he cared about him. Love, and forever, and 'I think about you all the time, Moons, how could I not, look at yourself, you're absolutely stunning, pet, now pass the potatoes,' just came happily and easily to Sirius in a way that they never would to Remus. Remus, quick with the answer to a teacher's question or a Slytherin's taunting, stumbled over 'I love yous,' and 'I feel...,' and every other sort of expression of emotion. He had always considered himself quite lucky that Sirius had figured out how he felt at all, considering he couldn't actually manage to say it half the time.

"Fine," Remus agreed, tugging down the hem of his shorts, which Sirius was slowly but persistently trying to inch up his thigh. "You aren't oblivious."

"Thank you," Sirius said. "But if I am not, and I'm not, then how on earth did you spend three years going for runs without my noticing? Do you just not do it very often?"

"Er," Remus said, feeling as though he would shortly be well sick of using that word, but unable to keep it from slipping out. "Three or four times a week for the last three years."

"What?" Sirius yelped. "How is that possible? Where was I?"

"Detention," Remus said simply.

"Impossible," Sirius said promptly. "I haven't had three or four nights of detention every week since fifth year."

"More like second year," Remus agreed.

"No," Sirius said thoughtfully. "Really? Is that true?"

"Just about," Remus said. "And James was always in detention with you or on the quidditch pitch, and Pete always went to watch him, so...running."

"But why? And don't say stay in shape, I know you, you don't care about that sort of thing," Sirius added quickly.

"Running...have you ever gone for a run?"

"As a human?" Sirius asked. Remus nodded. "Nah. Mad Muggle thing, like I said. I prefer my exercise with a healthy dose of flying, thanks very much."

"Running can be...nice," Remus said lamely.

"Nice?"

"Therapeutic," Remus tried again.

"What does that mean?"

"I mean...sometimes it's just a lot, you know?" Remus said. He flipped Sirius's hand, which was still tugging on his shorts, over and began to trace the lines of his palm.

"You mean the wolf stuff?"

"Yeah," Remus said. "And everything. Life, and school, and the war, and just...all of it. It can be a lot. So I run. And when I run I don't think, or I guess I think more clearly, and it's quiet, and just me, and it's...nice."

Silence. Remus continued tracing Sirius's palm for a minute, then looked up into his grey eyes. Sirius looked contemplative, a look Remus had always associated with impending pranks and mischief. In the eighteen or so months since Sirius had first kissed him, however, Remus had had more opportunities to see that look in non-pranking related situations. It was the look Sirius wore when Remus managed to get over himself and actually say something somewhat romantic. The look Sirius got right before kissing Remus goodnight. The look, since school had ended, that Sirius got when he considered the future and all that it might hold.

"Say something," Remus said, and Sirius grinned, the solemnity broken. "What?"

"I was just thinking about why you never told me," Sirius said. "Or Prongs, or Wormy. It's because you didn't want us around, isn't it?"

"Of course not!" Remus said, feeling the sting of the lie as he said it automatically. Sirius just grinned at him, and Remus quelled under his gaze. "Well...maybe a little."

"And you thought if you told us, or more specifically told _me_ , that you were going off on these run things, I would want to come with you," Sirius said.

"Well, yes," Remus admitted.

"And in spite of the fact that you're madly in love with me, and want to spend every second ravishing me," Sirius said, fluttering his eyelashes at Remus ridiculously, causing Remus to snort with laughter, "You are, in fact, the world's biggest introvert and might, on occasion, need a moment away from us Marauders, and your better half, otherwise known as yours truly. But because you are also the world's biggest sap, and the most repressed Welshman I've ever met, which is saying something, I might add, you can't just _tell_ us you need to be alone, even though we all know it, so you have to lie for three years just to keep us from horning in on your private running thing. Am I right?"

Remus glared at Sirius as best he could while internally marveling at the other boy, no man, they were men now, of age, and graduated no less, at the other man's ability to read him like a book. Finally, Remus said, somewhat bitterly, "Yes. All right? Yes. I just wanted to be alone for moment or two, that's all. Is that so much to ask?"

Sirius grinned even more widely. "And you thought if I found out, I would insist on joining you, is that right?"

"Yes," Remus said. "Because you would have done. You will."

"Can't be fussed, actually," Sirius said, and Remus blinked at him as Sirius fell back onto the pillows, tucking his arms behind his bed.

"What?" Remus demanded.

"Remus, my love, light of my life, moon to my stars, I have no interest in doing this running thing with you. Or much of anything that involves shorts, to be perfectly honest." Remus tugged at the hem of his shorts again, and Sirius smirked. "Honestly, if you were worried about me tagging along, you should have mentioned it years ago, then you needn't've worried."

"You don't want to come with me?" Remus asked, still not entirely grasping what was happening. Sirius always wanted to tag along, no matter what he was doing. Sirius had spent seven years moaning next to him while he studied in the library, just because Padfoot had no ability to say no to any type of excursion, no matter what kind it was. "You're joking."

"Not at all," Sirius said. As Remus continued to stare, his eyes narrowed somewhat suspiciously, Sirius let the smirk slide away. He sat up, inched closer to Remus on the bed, and cupped the other man's cheek in his palm. "Rem. Love. It's okay to want a few minutes away from me. I've lived with me my whole life. I know I can be a bit much at times. Trust me, if I could get away from myself for an hour or two, I would. Why do you think I indulge in firewhiskey?"

Remus hadn't for a moment in the last three years considered this possibility. The chance that Sirius might not _want_ to join him. Remus had spent years hiding his trainers under the bed, sneaking off when no one was looking, because he had, as Sirius had so rightly deduced, always taken it for granted that Sirius would want to tag along.

"So," Remus said slowly. "Just to clarify. You understand that I'm going off, out of the house, off into the world, on my own, and you _don't_ want to join in?"

"Nah," Sirius said, letting his hand slip back off Remus's cheek. He leaned back onto the pillows and tucked his arms behind his head once more. "You go. Do the mad Muggle thing. Then come back and ravish me."

He winked at Remus, who couldn't help but grin. "I…I'm not sure what to say."

"It's fine, Rem," he insisted. "Truly. You go run. I'll stay here and enjoy your leftover warmth."

To illustrate his point, Sirius pulled the covers up over his head, burrowing down more fully into the bed. Remus gave a small chuckle, and said, "You really don't want to come?"

"I really don't," Sirius said from under the blanket, his voice muffled. "But there is one thing I want to tell you before you leave."

"What is it?" Remus asked.

Sirius sat up once again, and leaned in close. Remus felt his stomach flutter. Every damn time, he thought. When would he get used to this? Was he going to spend the rest of his life with a stomach full of butterflies every time Sirius came near him?

Sirius paused, his mouth almost brushing against Remus's, and grinned. His eyes lifted up to meet Remus's, who tried to keep from actually shaking; he didn't think he would live it down if he fell to pieces without Sirius even touching him.

"Moony?" Sirius's breath was warm on Remus's lips, the older boy's voice soft, tantalizing. Remus let his eyes drop back down to look at Sirius's perfect mouth.

"Hmm?" Remus responded.

"I like your shorts," Sirius said, his grin turning wicked.

Remus shoved Sirius in the chest with both hands, glaring even as Sirius laughed. Sirius caught Remus's hands on his chest, and as Sirius fell backwards, he pulled Remus down on top of him, finally capturing Remus's lips with his own. Remus's butterflies seemed to have caught fire as he leaned into Sirius, their hands trapped between their chests.

It was another twenty minutes before Remus extricated himself, straightening his shorts as Sirius ran a long-fingered hand through his own black, tousled hair. "Now that kind of exercise I will take, even without any flying included," Sirius said with a smirk. Remus grinned down at the floor as he pulled his t-shirt back on and stood up.

"Be that as it may," Remus said, "I'm still going for a run."

"Enjoy," Sirius said, rolling over and tugging the blankets up over himself. "I'll be here."

Remus stood, watching Sirius, gnawing on his bottom lip. After a moment, Sirius spoke up again. "This is the laziest running I have ever seen, Lupin."

"I just..." Remus trailed off, standing there silently until Sirius rolled over, and propped himself up on one elbow, staring at Remus, his pale skin fairly glowing in the dim light. "Er..."

"Eloquent as ever," Sirius said, and Remus scowled at him. "What is it, Moons?"

"Do you want to come with me?"

It was gratifying to see Sirius thrown off, at least for a moment. Remus felt as though he spent a good portion of his time with Sirius feeling a little off balance; returning the favor felt good.

"What are you talking about, Moony?"

"Do you want to come with me?" Remus repeated. "Running."

Sirius blinked at Remus, a slow smile spreading across his face. "Really?"

"Really," Remus said, smiling back at him. "Just this once, of course."

"Of course," Sirius said. Then his smile faltered. "Remus, thank you. I'm honored and touched, et cetera, of course. But I haven't put in any exercise other than the kind we just did since we left Hogwarts. And like I said, running is a mad Muggle thing. I'll just stay here. You go. Exorcise your demons, or whatever."

"I appreciate that, but really, Sirius," Remus said. "Truly. Come with me."

"Really, love, I don't want to slow you down," Sirius insisted.

Remus enjoyed Sirius being the insecure one for once for about five seconds before he rolled his eyes and said, "Padfoot, I have no intention of you running with me as you currently are."

Sirius wrinkled his brow. "I have no earthly clue what that means, Rem."

Remus rolled his eyes again. "Come on, Sirius, think about it."

Sirius blinked once. Twice. Then it was like a light had gone on behind Sirius's eyes. "Oh! Right! You are brilliant, Moon Pie."

Remus laughed. "Does that mean you're coming then?"

"Merlin, yes," Sirius said, jumping quickly out of the bed. The sight of him in boxers only made Remus feel a little warm around the ears. Sirius grinned at him as Remus look away, over his shoulder and out the window. After a moment, Remus heard a faint _pop._ When he turned back around, Sirius had disappeared. In his place was a great black dog, tongue lolling out. The dog seemed to grin up at Remus, who grinned back. Remus reached down and scratched behind his ears.

"This is always a very odd experience when I'm not transformed myself," Remus said. The dog just wagged his tail, giving Remus's hand a lick. "Ugh. Thanks, Sirius. Come on, then."

They sneaked down the stairs, Remus with his shoes in hand, the dog's paws padding softly on each step, trying not to wake up Mr. and Mrs. Lupin, still asleep in the room across the hall. Once they stepped out the back door, Remus sat down on the stoop and pulled on his trainers as Sirius jumped around the dew drenched grass, snapping playfully at the early morning butterflies.

Remus watched Sirius play for a moment, then stood up and headed down the path, towards the small woods behind the Lupin's home. He inhaled deeply in the cool morning air, his trainers already soaked through from the damp grass. Sirius ran around him as he walked, running ahead to sniff at an interesting looking bush or clump of grass, then running back to Remus to pad along at his side.

As was his usual pattern, once he had stepped into the darkness of the trees, which, while sparse, still blocked most of the sun, Remus sped up, arms pumping, legs moving. It always took a minute or two or ten to adjust to the pace, his breath settling in, the kinks in his knees and ankles working out, but eventually he settled into a comfortable rhythm. As he rounded a bend, the path twisting around a large willow tree, he increased his speed, his breath coming out in little puffs. Sirius kept pace at his side now, not tearing around or falling behind, but perfectly matched, stride for stride.

Remus could feel his brain slide into its usual meditative state. This was why he did it. The running. Why he put up with the physical discomfort. Because for a few minutes, maybe half an hour, he could manage to quiet his brain down, focus on one thing at a time, rather than the five million that usually seemed to be bouncing around his brain at any given moment.

He had thought it might not happen this time. That he might not be able to settle into the run properly, with Sirius at his side. He had invited Sirius along anyway, even though he was fairly convinced that Sirius's presence would disrupt the entire running process. He had invited him along because he just couldn't seem to help himself where Sirius was concerned. And because any moment spent without Sirius had suddenly seemed like a terrible waste of their last, lovely summer before adulthood, and all the change that came along with it.

He burst into the clearing at a faster speed than usual, spurred on by his four-legged running partner. He stopped on the edge of the clearing as was his habit, and tiled his head up, letting the sun bathe his face it its warm glow. Beside him, Sirius sat, canine face likewise tilted, very still. It was very odd to see a dog so still, Remus thought, smiling down at the top of Sirius's head.

Remus walked over to one of the half-destroyed stone walls that littered the clearing and sat down on the dirt, leaning his back against it. When he glanced back at Sirius, the dog was gone. In its place, Sirius was standing in the sunlight, face turned up, bright light shining off his dark hair. He looked so content, so at peace, a small smile playing on his lips, that it made Remus's heart ache. He wanted this moment to stretch on for forever. He wanted to stay in this place, in this time, for the rest of their lives. He felt a lump form in his throat and turned his head down, pretending to fuss with his laces, blinking furiously. Sirius would never let him forget it if he caught Remus crying like that. He would probably owl James straight away.

When he had composed himself, Remus looked up again. Sirius was still standing in the sunlight, hands tucked into the pockets of his tight black jeans, his gaze trained now on Remus. They locked eyes for a long moment. Sirius had that same contemplative look on his face again, and Remus could feel the lump in his throat starting to rise once more. Sirius smiled and walked over to Remus, sliding down the wall and sitting next to him, their shoulders pressed together. After another quiet moment, Sirius spoke.

"Thank you."

"For what?" Remus asked.

"Bringing me here. Letting me come along at all. Wearing those shorts."

Remus smiled, rolled his eyes, and tugged on the hem of his shorts all at once. He felt Sirius rock into him, felt Sirius's chuckle rather than heard it, and he slipped his hand into Sirius's, intertwining their fingers. "You're most welcome, Pads."

"You come out here a lot?" Sirius asked. They were both speaking quietly in the early morning silence.

"Pretty often, yeah, when I'm home," Remus said. "It's sort of my spot, you know? I'm not sure anyone else even knows this place is here. I've certainly never told anyone."

"Told me," Sirius practically whispered.

"I did," Remus said.

"Thanks," Sirius repeated. Then he coughed, and looked around. "I can see why you like it. It's very serene. Very Remus-y."

"I love it out here," Remus agreed. "It used to be a church, a long time ago. When I first found it, when I was just a kid, I did some digging and found the records of it. They used to do weddings and funerals and all that here. You can still feel the magic."

Remus turned to smile at Sirius, and found that the other boy was already looking at him. Remus felt his breath catch in his throat.

"Can I kiss you?" Sirius asked. "Or would that ruin the sacredness?"

Butterflies, once again. Every damn time. "Let's risk it," Remus said, and Sirius leaned in, closing the minuscule space between them. The kiss was rather chaste, for them, but long and lingering; a kiss Remus could feel all the way down to his very bones. He kept his eyes closed once they had pulled apart, trying to stay in the moment of the kiss and not think about all the things he needed to say to Sirius. Sirius, however, had opened his eyes.

"What happened?" Sirius asked quickly. Remus opened his eyes. Sirius was staring at him intently. "Why are you making that face? How do I make the face go away? If kiss you again, will your face go back?"

"What face?" Remus asked indignantly. "This is just my face!"

"That's your 'Sirius has done something wrong' face, but I haven't, nothing in weeks, except that niffler in Snape's trunk on the last day of school, but honestly, Remus, that was weeks ago now, you can't possibly still be mad about that," Sirius said.

"I'm not mad! I'm - wait, a niffler? When?" Remus asked, distracted.

"As we were leaving the train," Sirius explained with a shrug.

"How did you transport a niff-I don't want to know. I'm not mad at you," Remus said.

"Then why the face?"

"There is no face!" Remus insisted. Then he sighed. "Just - listen. I need to talk to you."

Now Sirius was the one with the face. It was all raised eyebrows and wide eyes, and Remus didn't believe it for a moment. "Oh Merlin. Are you pregnant? Am I pregnant? Are you dying? Am I dying?" Sirius rattled off.

"No to all four," Remus said, rather more calmly than he was feeling, knowing the conversation that was to come.

"Then what's going on?"

"Do you know what a Muggle university is?" Remus asked.

Sirius's eyes went back to their normal size, and he blinked at Remus. "That seems like something of a non-sequitur," he said finally.

"Just answer the question," Remus said.

"Honestly, Moony, you're all over the place, from kissing, to nifflers, to universities-"

"Sirius!" Remus cut him off.

"Yes?"

"Do you know what it is?" Remus asked again.

"Of course I do!" Sirius said in a wounded voice.

"You do?"

"I'm not completely ignorant. It's like school. Like more school, after Hogwarts. But for muggles."

Remus had to admit he was surprised. Sirius had always remained rather ignorant of all things muggle, despite Remus's half-blood status, and the increasing amount of time Sirius was spending with Lily Evans, thanks to James. "Right, well, you see, the thing is-"

"Just spit it out, Moons, you're actually making me nervous now," Sirius said. He was trying to joke, but Remus could feel the tension in his fingers. Remus gave what he hoped was a reassuring squeeze.

"I'm sorry, I'm just now sure where to start," Remus said. Sirius stayed quiet for once, staring at him, waiting for him to carry on with whatever it was that he had started. Remus took a deep breath and tried again. "The thing is, Sirius, is that school is over."

"Thanks," Sirius said, unable to help himself apparently. "I hadn't noticed. Good of you to point it out. Explains the lack of tests and uniforms."

"Oh, hush, you," Remus said, knocking into Sirius with his shoulder. "My point is, things have changed now."

"What sort of things?"

"I mean...things. With...me," Remus said lamely. Sirius furrowed his brow. "I mean, well, you know, there aren't a lot of prospects for me, out here in the real world. What with my condition and everything."

Sirius's face turned dark, like someone flipped a switch. He hated hearing Remus talk about the prejudice against werewolves, or the fact that Remus would have a hard time living life as an adult werewolf in the post-Hogwarts world. For two years, as Remus had become increasingly anxious about the prospect of graduation and what that would mean for him, Sirius had put him off, changing the subject, talking about anything else. Their first kiss, in fact, had been in direct response to Remus's talking about how, thanks to a newly passed law, he would have to disclose his lycanthropy to any potential landlord. "And you know they'll never rent to me after they find out, Sirius, why would they, so what am I supposed to do? Live at my parents' house for the rest of my life like a great dirty-" Sirius had silenced him with a kiss, right there in the middle of the library (though admittedly tucked very far back into the stacks). Somehow they hadn't come back to the subject that day. And in the year and a half since, every time Remus tried to bring up "the future," and the challenges facing the werewolf, Sirius had scowled and changed the subject.

Not now, though. Sirius was scowling, yes, but he was staying silent, letting Remus continue. "I talked to Professor Dumbledore a few times last year, about what I might want to do after Hogwarts. And what would be possible for me. You know I've always wanted to teach, and Dumbledore and I discussed me coming back to Hogwarts, taking over that Defense Against the Dark Arts post, you know that Professor Singleton left at the end of term, so we discussed that, and the possibility of my teaching there. At Hogwarts."

"That's brilliant, Rem," Sirius said, relief clearly evident on his face. But Remus was shaking his head.

"I uh, I wish it was brilliant," he said, and Sirius's scowl was back in place. "Professor Dumbledore said he wished he could offer me the job, and went on and on about how brilliant I would be, but how, well, how now that I'm of age, my status as a werewolf is on file at the Ministry, and you know, they're public records, anyone can see them. Including any parents, who might not be so inclined to have a werewolf teaching their children. Dumbledore said he's actually lobbying for a law to change that, make those records private, but...it's not looking good at the moment. So..."

"So he's too much of a bloody coward to take a little heat from parents, is that it?" Sirius spat out, and Remus sighed.

"Sirius," he tried, but Sirius just shook his head. Remus didn't press. "Anyway, the point is, he's right. With those records in place, there's really not much room for me in the wizarding world. The first time I call out of a job on the full moon, or show up next day with new scars, someone can just pop round to the Ministry and check my name against the list. And then I'm out."

"So what was Dumbledore's brilliant suggestion, eh? You just hide away in your parents' house for the rest of your life?" Sirius wasn't looking at Remus as he said this, staring down at the dirt instead. When Remus didn't respond right away, Sirius looked up and met his gaze, just for a moment. Then he dropped his eyes back down to the dirt, and muttered, "Sorry."

"You're not wrong," Remus said, and Sirius looked him in the eye again. Remus shrugged. "That's what my future holds at the moment. Can't get a job. Can't rent a flat. I'm bloody useless."

"Stop," Sirius growled, tightening his grip on Remus's hand. He twisted around so he was facing Remus more fully. "You are the opposite of useless, Rem. You're...everything."

He leaned in and kissed Remus, hard, his free hand tangling itself in Remus's hair. Remus let himself get swept up into the kiss, sliding his own hand around Sirius's neck and pulling him in tighter. This was fine. This was good. They could let themselves get distracted, have this conversation another time. That sounded good to Remus. Let Sirius fill him up with other thoughts, let Sirius ground him in the now, in the present, rather than the maybes and the future. Let Sirius consecrate these hallowed grounds with him.

But it was Sirius who pulled back, parting their lips, his cheeks flushed. He pressed his forehead into Remus's, and said fiercely, "You the farthest thing from useless, Remus Lupin. Don't ever say that again."

"Your response did nothing to dissuade me from repeating it over and over again," Remus retorted, and was relieved when Sirius laughed. They pulled apart more fully, and Sirius ran both his hands through his shaggy black hair. Remus watched him, part of him still wanting to put off this conversation, to just jump on Sirius and have his way with him. The slightly more rational part of his brain seemed to be in control, however, and he said, "But you know I'm right, Sirius. Getting a job is going to be nigh impossible."

Sirius shrugged, as close to an agreement as Remus thought he was likely to get. "But what does all that have to do with nifflers?"

"You brought up the nifflers, Padfoot," Remus said.

"Right," Sirius agreed. "What does that have to do with Muggle universities?"

"Well, you see, the thing is," Remus said, picking up a leaf from the ground and carefully shredding it into pieces. "Dumbledore suggested, and I agree, that while the wizarding world is unlikely to have many job prospects for me, that doesn't entirely mean it is altogether impossible for me to find a job. I just might have to venture out a little."

"Venture out where?"

"Into the Muggle world," Remus explained.

Sirius considered this for a moment, then nodded. "That makes sense."

"Does it?" Remus couldn't hide his disbelief. He was sure Sirius was going to argue this point until he was blue in the face.

Sirius shrugged again. "Sure. Not like the Muggles will know why you're always sick on full moon days, or guess where you got your positively alluring scars. Honestly, they probably won't even ask about them, us Brits are far too repressed for all that."

Remus smiled, and Sirius half returned it. "I'm a little surprised," Remus admitted.

"Are you? You thought I would argue?"

"Well, yes," Remus said.

"I know when I'm beaten, Moonshine," Sirius said with a shrug. "So you'll find a Muggle job. That doesn't really impact our life together, now does it?"

Remus shook his head, feeling like he had taken a rather large gulp of butterbeer. Our life. Together. Maybe he should just stop now. Quit while he was ahead.

"So where is this job going to be, anyway? May I suggest a lovely bookshop?" Sirius said, batting his eyelashes at Remus.

"Actually, there's...a bit more," Remus said. Sirius's face fell.

"Oh?"

"Thing is," Remus said. "I still would really like to teach."

"Yeah...but that's not possible, because Dumbledore's a racist," Sirius said slowly.

"He's not...lycanthropy isn't even a...it doesn't matter," Remus said. "No, I can't teach at Hogwarts. but Hogwarts isn't the only school."

"You want to teach Muggles?" Sirius asked. Remus nodded. Sirius considered this. Then he grinned. "Brilliant."

"Yeah?" Remus said, not quite allowing himself to smile, but feeling it poke out around the edges of his mouth anyway.

"Absolutely," Sirius said. "You want to teach, you can't do it at Hogwarts, so you'll teach Muggles. Elegant. Much like yourself, Monsieur Moony."

"Merci beaucoup," Remus said.

"De rien, mon amour," Sirius replied.

Remus grinned, shaking his head. "I was sure you would argue, Sirius. I didn't think..."

"That I would want you to be happy?" Sirius said. "That I would want you to get everything you want?"

"No, just..." Remus trailed off. "Well, when you put it that way."

"So you get a Muggle teaching job," Sirius said. "Have you started looking yet? Are there a lot of Muggle schools? What sorts of things do they learn? Do they have them in London?"

"Er, not yet, quite a few, all sorts of things, and yes," Remus said. Sirius nodded, seemingly satisfied by all of these answers. Remus continued. "But...there's a bit more."

"For Merlin's sake, Moony," Sirius said, clearly exasperated. "Just come out with it all! You're raking me over the coals here."

"All right, all right," Remus said. "Thing is, you can't just hop right into teaching Muggles."

"Can't you?"

"No," Remus said. "It's not like at Hogwarts. There are standards and whatnot, set by the Muggle government. I have to get certain certificates and things."

"Oh," Sirius said. "That seems complicated."

"It is, quite," Remus agreed. "But I met with Professor McGonagall, and she laid it all out for me, and you know, I think I've got it all figured out now. But it does mean I have to go to Muggle university."

"Ah!" Sirius said, and Remus jumped. "So _that's_ why we were talking about universities and nifflers. No, wait, that doesn't explain the nifflers."

"That was still you, Pads," Remus reminded him, and Sirius grinned.

"Right, so, university! Okay. So you go to one of those, then? Do they have those in London?"

"Er, yes," Remus said.

"Excellent. When do you start? It's like school, yeah? So you take classes? What kind? How long does it take?"

"Well, see, you have to apply," Remus said, ignoring the questions rattled off at him.

"Apply to what?" Sirius asked.

"To universities," Remus explained. "You apply, and if they think you'll do well, they let you in."

"I see," Sirius said.

"And they want your school record and everything, so I had to get that all sort of translated over into Muggle terms, you know, I can't exactly list my O.W.L. scores in History of Magic and Potions, now can I?"

"S'pose not," Sirius said. "How are you going to do that, then? When do you need to apply by?"

"Oh, I... I already did," Remus said. The smile that Sirius had hitched up seemed to slip slightly. "Last year."

"Last year?" Sirius asked.

"Well, the schools, they need you to apply early, so they can go over all of them and decide who gets in," Remus explained. "Professor McGonagall helped me, got all my O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s and everything switched over to Muggle speak, and helped me apply and everything."

"Last year?" Sirius repeated, and Remus dropped his eyes to the dirt, nodding. "You didn't tell me."

"No," Remus said. "I mean, yeah. No. I didn't tell you."

"Why not?"

Remus shrugged, still looking down. "I just...I didn't want to tell you if it was nothing, you know? Have this whole chat about it and then I get turned down from every school, seemed like such a waste, right?"

"So you haven't been, then?"

Remus looked up at Sirius, confused. "Haven't been what?"

"Turned down by every school," Sirius said. "If you had, you would never have even bothered to tell me, right?"

The bitterness in Sirius's voice was apparent. Remus swallowed hard and nodded. "I got in to some schools, yeah."

"Congratulations," Sirius said, and while he was clearly still upset, he still seemed like he meant it. "I'm proud of you. Going to McGonagall was a good idea."

"Yeah, Pete suggested it," Remus said without thinking, then immediately wished he hadn't. Sirius's face flew through a range of emotions - shock, betrayal, hurt - before settling on tense frustration.

"You told Peter about all this?"

"I...yeah," Remus said. "When I first started thinking about it, I mentioned it to him. He helped me out, a bit, suggesting McGonagall, and he proof read my application essays."

"You had Wormtail proof read something you wrote? Why bother?" The disgust in Sirius's voice was clear, though Remus was sure it was directed at him, rather than Peter's editing skills.

"I just wanted a second set of eyes," Remus said.

"I have eyes," Sirius pointed out.

"I just didn't want to bother you with all this," Remus said.

"All what?" Sirius retorted. "All your future? All your life goals? All the most important things happening to you? You've been lying and keeping secrets for months, Remus! Months!"

"Not lying," Remus insisted. "Just not telling you every single detail of my life."

"That's just as bad," Sirius insisted, and he stood up, taking a step, then another away from Remus, running his pale hands through his dark hair. Remus stood up too, watching Sirius wrestle with this revelation.

"I didn't lie," Remus repeated.

"You just didn't tell me everything," Sirius half shouted, and Remus winced. "I tell you everything, Remus, every detail of my life, every inane thought that pops into my head, and here I find you have all these plans, this whole life scheduled, and fixed, and you told Dumbledore, and McGonagall, and _Peter_ _fucking Pettigrew_ , but never bothered to tell your boyfriend!"

Sirius was shouting for real now, his voice ringing out across the quiet morning. Remus stood, hands balled into fists, eyes steady on him, letting him finish. When he stopped, Sirius was breathing hard. He dug the heels of his hands into eyes.

"I just...I didn't want to upset you...if it all came to nothing," Remus said, quietly. He felt ridiculous saying it. It wasn't a good excuse. It wasn't any excuse. But it was what he had. "Talking about the future just always upsets you so much. I didn't want to ruin our last year at Hogwarts with all this."

Sirius lowered his hands, and stared hard at Remus, his face almost frighteningly pale. "I... I'm not even sure what to say now, Rem."

Rem. That seemed like a good sign. A nickname. Not Moonshine or Moons, but at least not Remus John Lupin, like he was scolding him. Nicknames were good.

"Pads," Remus started, but Sirius shook his head.

"You can't explain your way out of this," Sirius said, and Remus felt like his heart had literally sunk through his stomach and into his knees.

"What does...what do you mean?" Remus said, practically gasping for air.

"I... It's fine," Sirius said. Remus shook his head, not understanding. Sirius straightened his shoulders and said again, "It's fine. I'm not mad. You were scared to tell me, scared I would argue, or blow you off, or...whatever. I'm fine. I'm not mad. It's fine. We're fine."

"Oh," Remus said. "You...you mean it?"

Remus watched Sirius think for another moment, and then Sirius strode over to him. Remus had to force himself not to take a step back, but he was rewarded with Sirius's hands on his cheeks, and lips on his, just for a moment, not even long enough for Remus to react properly. When they parted, Sirius had hitched his smile back into place. It almost looked like it belonged there. "I'm proud of you."

"Thank you," Remus whispered.

"So," Sirius said, grabbing hold of Remus's hand and dragging him back down to the ground. "Tell me about these schools, and everything. Where did you apply? Where did you get in? What are you going to study? What classes are you going to take?"

"Uh," Remus said, trying to gather his thoughts. "Uh, Cambridge, Oxford, Swansea University, a few others. I got into...all of them."

"Of course you did," Sirius said with a grin. "Tosser."

Remus blushed, continuing. "I really want to study English, you know, and then teach that to the Muggles. In Muggle schools they study reading and writing, just for its own sake, you know? And creative writing."

"Like writing stories?" Sirius asked.

"Exactly," Remus said, and he felt himself start to relax as he thought about the classes he would be taking, the classes he would someday be teaching. "Writing short stories, and novels, and even poetry. I know how you feel about poetry, Padfoot, but I like it, all right, so lay off."

Sirius raised both hands in mock surrender, laughing, then said, "Sounds brilliant. So which one are you going to, then? Any of them, er, anywhere near where a certain roguishly handsome animagus currently resides with his slightly less handsome animagus mate?"

Remus laughed. "King's College is in London, near your flat," he said.

"Sounds like a brilliant choice," Sirius said, and Remus felt his laugh die in his throat.

"Ah, well, actually, I... I decided on another school," Remus said.

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah," Remus said. "Do you...do you know where New York is?"

"New York?" Sirius repeated. "You mean like in America?"

Remus nodded, then pressed on before Sirius could speak. "There's a school there, NYU, New York University, they have this brilliant creative writing program, and I would be able to study under some brilliant authors, and even study photography, Sirius, you know I love to take photos. And then when I'm done, I would come back home to finish up the teaching bits, so I would be able to teach English, and maybe even teach photography, if I found a school that was looking for that. And I know, America, how can I live there, right, with my condition, and everything, but Dumbledore, he's already been in touch with their Ministry, and they've got it all worked out, I can live in the dorms at the school, but I won't have a roommate, and they're going to arrange a, a place, some sort of place, for me to do my transformations. And I'll have to deal with their aurors, which won't be fun, I'm sure, but I think it's really going to work out, Pads."

"New York?" Sirius said just those two words, and Remus felt his heart sink.

"Yeah," Remus said.

"You're seriously thinking about going to America?" Sirius said, and his voice sounded odd to Remus's ears, calm and frantic at the same time.

"I'm not just thinking," Remus said. "I accepted their offer. I'm going."

He had thought Sirius's voice was pale before. Now, though, Sirius was beginning to resemble a ghost. He shook his head, slowly. "I..."

"Sirius," Remus reached out, but Sirius jerked away from him, stumbling up to his feet again.

"I can't..." Sirius said. Remus stood up too.

"Sirius, please, you're scaring me," Remus said.

Sirius laughed, a strange laugh that sounded nothing like his usual barking laugh. "I'm scaring you? You just told me you've been keeping secrets, lying, and you're moving to America. Though I'm not sure why I ever expected anything differently from you. You've been keeping secrets since we first met."

Remus jerked back, feeling as though he had been slapped. "How could you bring that up? That was years ago. We were just kids, Sirius. I didn't even know you then."

"You're right," Sirius said. "We were just kids. But you lied so smoothly. It took us forever to figure it out, you know. Ages. All because of how well you lied."

"Sirius," Remus implored. "Come on. It's me. I lied about that a million years ago. Please. You can trust me."

"How can I possibly trust you ever again?" Sirius asked, and he sounded like he really wanted an answer, like he wanted Remus to really convince him, how, how it was possible. "You lied, Remus. Maybe lies of omission, but lies nonetheless. How could you do this to us?"

"I'm sorry, Sirius," Remus said. "I'm sorry. I should have told you what I was doing. I should have told you when I first thought of it, and when I applied, and god, when I got in. I'm sorry. James has been telling me for days that-"

Mistake. Remus couldn't seem to keep his mouth from running. Sirius took a step back, turned around, put his hand over his mouth, hunched his shoulders. Remus stayed silent. Waiting. Sirius spoke without turning back. "You told James."

It wasn't a question, but Remus answered anyway. "Yes. Just a few days ago. When I decided on NYU."

"He didn't tell me," Sirius said. Still not a question.

"I asked him not to," Remus admitted. "He wasn't happy about it. He's been bugging me about it for a week now. Until I promised to tell you on this trip."

"But he didn't tell me," Sirius said. "Peter didn't tell me. No one bloody told me."

His voice was calm. Remus was suddenly reminded of one of his mother's Muggle phrases: the calm before the storm. He braced himself.

Sirius pushed his hands into his eyes, head tilting up toward the sky, breathing hard. He let his hands fall, his hair hanging down behind him, sun hitting him full in the face. When he turned around to face Remus, his face was still white, the starkness made more apparent by his red rimmed eyes. "No one told me. No one. My best friends. No one bothered to give me a heads up that the love of my life was not only lying to me, but he was planning on breaking up with me, breaking my heart, and moving three thousand miles away. No one thought that might be pertinent information for me to have. My life is being ruined, torn apart, you're leaving me, and James and Peter have been lying to me, and everything around me is lies and shambles and nobody bothered to bloody fucking tell me!

"This is my life, Remus! My whole life! Our life. How could you do this to us? Why would you break us like this, without a backwards glance?"

"Sirius," Remus said, reaching out towards him, but Sirius jerked back hard, almost stumbling.

"Don't fucking touch me," Sirius said. "You lost that right the moment you decided to break us."

"Sirius, I'm sorry, all right?"

"I'm sorry? For what part, exactly? Breaking up with me? Dragging me out to the middle of the bloody forest before doing it? Out to the bloody forest in bloody fucking Wales, no less? Lying? Getting our friends to lie? What part, exactly, are you most sorry for, Remus?"

"I'm sorry I lied, Padfoot," Remus said, trying to speak calmly. "I'm sorry I told anyone before I told you. But you're wrong."

"Wrong about what?" Sirius asked.

"I'm not breaking up with you."

Sirius stared at him. Remus stared back. It was a long time before Sirius spoke. "What on earth are you on about?"

"I should have told you sooner. But I didn't want to start anything, get you worried or excited or _anything_ until I had it all planned and figured out. It was...it was going to be like a surprise. Only it's all gone wrong now."

"A surprise? Surprise, your boyfriend is moving to another country?" Sirius said sarcastically. "Surprise, your boyfriend is dumping you for poetry and photography? Brilliant bloody surprise, Remus."

"I'm not breaking up with you," Remus said again. "I should have told you all this before, let you get your head around it, but until I knew for sure what was happening...I was wrong, but it seemed like the right thing to do. But I fucked this part up. None of this came out right. What I wanted to tell you, is, well. Sirius. You are the love of my life. I care about nothing on this planet as much as you. This school, this program, this plan, this is all so important to me. I want this. But I don't want it more than I want you. I'm not breaking up with you. I would never."

"So I'm supposed to, what? Sit here at home pining after you, waiting for letters, seeing you at Christmas?" Sirius asked, crossing his arms.

"Of course not," Remus said.

"Then what?"

"Come with me."

Sirius uncrossed his arms. "What?"

"Come with me," Remus repeated.

"Where?"

"To American. To New York."

"Come with you?"

"Yes."

Sirius furrowed his brow, staring at Remus like he had never seen anything quite like him before. "You're cracked," he said finally.

"I'm not," Remus said firmly. "I love you. I want you to come with me. Be with me. Live with me. I already arranged it all. The school has forms you can fill out, for student housing. I filled them out. Come with me."

"How progressive is this school? That you can just bring your boyfriend to live with you? I mean, I know it's America, but still," Sirius said.

"The forms aren't for boyfriends," Remus said. "They're for pets."

"What?" Now Sirius looked entirely bewildered.

"Sirius," Remus said. "You can't come live with me as a human. But for a small deposit, as long as you're willing to enter and exit the building as a dog, well, then..."

Sirius's eyes widened. "You want me to come be your pet?"

"I want you to move in with me," Remus said. "I just don't seem to be explaining that very well."

"You had to fill out forms?" Sirius asked.

"And give a deposit," Remus said.

"When?"

"What?"

"When do you have to give them the deposit?" Sirius asked.

"Oh," Remus said. "I already did that."

"You did?"

"Yeah."

"You were that confident I would say yes?" Sirius asked.

"Well, I didn't bank on fucking this all up quite as thoroughly as I did," Remus said. "But no, not confident, just hopeful."

"Can you get it back?" Sirius asked.

"Get what back?"

"The deposit."

"I... I don't know," Remus said.

"Find out," Sirius said, crossing his arms again.

"No... Sirius, please," Remus said, aware that he was begging, but unable to help himself. "Don't do this."

"What did you expect from me? I can't just leave, Remus," Sirius said. "As much as I might want to. Or did you forget, there's a war brewing."

"I didn't forget, Sirius, but I don't really see what that has to do with this. With us," Remus said, trying to keep the pleading tone out of his voice. "Please, Sirius."

"I thought you knew me better than that, Remus," Sirius said. "Like I would really just take off, just leave everyone I love, everyone we love, to fight this war without us. I'm going to just take off to America with you and leave James and Pete behind to figure out the whole Voldemort thing on their own, am I? What about Evans? And your mum and dad? Mr. and Mrs. Potter? Frank and Alice? I can't just leave, Remus, there are people here who need me."

"I need you," Remus said. He willed himself to stand still, to not throw himself at Sirius's feet and beg him to go with him. Sirius's arms remained crossed, his face resolute.

"How could you ever think I would leave James, Remus? I can't leave my best mate to fight this war alone."

"I won't ask you to choose between me and James, Sirius," Remus said. "I know I won't like how that particular contest ends up."

Sirius raised an eyebrow but didn't disagree. Remus continued. "But you're wrong, Sirius. About this war. This isn't, this doesn't have to be your war. Our war. We don't have to be on the front lines. We aren't soldiers, Sirius. James will understand. He will. I've talked to him, and you'll talk to him, and he'll understand. And so will Lily and Peter, and everyone. Sirius, you have to leave this war before it really gets going."

"And why is that?" Sirius demanded.

"Sirius, have you stopped to think about who this war is really against?"

"Voldemort," Sirius said at once, but Remus shook his head.

"Death Eaters," he said. "Purebloods. Sirius, if you fight in this war, you will be going up against family. Your parents, your cousins. Your brother. And you can pretend all you want that that doesn't matter to you, but I know you too well for that. If it comes down to it, if it comes down to you and Reg, squared off in a duel, what then? What happens then?"

"I do what has to be done," Sirius said stiffly.

"Maybe," Remus agreed. "Or maybe not. But either way, Sirius, I lose you. James loses you. Everyone loses you. There's no way you'll come back from that. And you know that's where this war is heading. So just…leave. With me."

"You're asking me to run away," Sirius said.

"Not run away, no," Remus insisted. "We can help from America. We can be a part of it. We can do important work there. Dumbledore has already been talking about the werewolf packs in the states and what I might be able to do with them. He'll find something just as vital for you, Sirius. We can still help. But we…we can be us, too. Not soldiers. Not war torn and killing family, and trying to figure out how to live with ourselves. Just us. You. Me. Young, and in love, and free, and together. Sirius. We can just _be_."

Sirius didn't speak. He stared at Remus, who tried to look him in the eye. Remus longed for a cigarette, anything to do with his hands. He longed to kiss Sirius, to say never mind, love, we'll just stay here. But he wasn't backing down. Not when he knew he was right.

"You talked to James?" Sirius said finally.

"I…what?"

"You talked to James about us leaving," Sirius repeated.

"I did," Remus said.

"What did he say?"

"He…he wasn't overjoyed," Remus admitted. "You know he'll miss us. He just wants everything to stay exactly how it was at Hogwarts. But he understood why I need to go. And he understood why you need to come with me."

"He said that?"

"He did," Remus said.

Sirius ran both hands through his hair again, then stuck them into his pockets. "I need a smoke," he muttered, and Remus almost laughed.

"I was just thinking the same thing," he admitted.

"Thought you quit," Sirius said. Remus shrugged. "I don't know, Rem. I just…this is a lot, you know?"

"I know," Remus said. "I'm sorry. I clearly could have handled the whole situation a bit better."

"A bit," Sirius said wryly. Remus felt almost weak with relief when he saw Sirius roll his eyes. Eye rolling. They were back to eye rolling. That had to be a good sign. Sirius scuffed the sole of his shoe on the ground, staring at the dirt. In that moment, it was hard for Remus to think of Sirius, of either of them, as adults, soldiers, teachers, or otherwise. Sirius looked for all the world like he would be headed off to Transfiguration class at any moment, ready to prank some Slytherins along the way. How could they be having these kinds of conversations? They were still just kids. Then Sirius looked up at him and spoke. "It's just…"

"Yes?" Remus said, his heart pounding.

"How much time would I really have to spend as a dog? Cause I love it, don't get me wrong. But I would be able to sleep as a human, right? Because otherwise we start to get into some sorts of things that I don't think my delicate sensibilities can handle."

Remus was so overcome with relief, with joy, with gratitude, that he just stared at Sirius for a full ten seconds before bursting out into laughter. Sirius, for his part, gave Remus a smirk. "But…what are you saying, Padfoot. Spell it out for me," Remus insisted, calming down.

"I'm saying…don't get your deposit back," Sirius said.

"Sirius," Remus insisted.

"I'm saying yes, Moonshine. I'm saying, I'm coming with you to America whether you like it or not," Sirius said, and he was grinning now. Remus took one, two, three steps towards Sirius, ready to grab him, hold him, kiss him. Then he paused, hesitant, suddenly oddly shy. Sirius closed the distance instead, hugging Remus tightly, pressing their bodies together as Remus hung on for dear life. He buried his face in Sirius's hair and breathed in deeply, trying to stem the tears he felt threatening to spill. He felt Sirius's words more than he heard them. "I love you."

Remus didn't reply. He just hung on tighter, feeling the warmth of the sun on the back of his neck, Sirius's hands on his back, in his hair, holding him fast. Remus felt himself sink into the ground, feeling surer and more rooted than maybe he had ever felt before. He was really going. They were going. It was going to happen. Sirius wasn't going to stay there, in the middle of the war, to either kill Regulus or be killed by him. He, Remus, was going to put a stop to all that. He could picture them, as clearly as if it was a memory, walking down the streets of New York City, sitting at cafes while Remus studied, Sirius flirting with the waiters and trying to distract him. A dorm room all to themselves, with no Prongs or Wormtail to barge it at all the wrong moments. No Slytherins. No Death Eaters. Just them and the sunshine and each other.

The attack that killed Hope Lupin took out fifteen Muggles in all. It was rumored, later, that Voldemort himself had been present. Remus's trunk had already been sent ahead; he had had to call the school, ask them to send it back. At the funeral, Peter, Sirius, James and Lily had stood at Remus's side, James and Lily holding hands, Sirius not quite holding Remus's. After it was done, Remus helped his father pack away his mother's things. They got halfway through the house before they both gave up, retreating to their rooms. They lived in the halfway place for years, stumbling upon a grocery list here or a set of women's gloves there, trinkets from the time before. James and Sirius kept the flat in London. And Remus got a job at a Muggle bookstore, then cinema, then bank, moving on as soon as he had too many sick days, too many missed full moons. He tucked the case that Lily and James had given him, the one with _Professor R.J. Lupin_ stamped on the side, into the back of his closet, where he didn't look at it again for more than a decade.


End file.
